View From A Lab Rat

2006-01-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

New Years Resolutions:

1. Quit Smoking.....again
I was supposed to before but realised that since tomorrow starts my first day of finals I would be stupid to do so now.
2. Look like a heroin addict by the end of the year
Or at least a reasonable fascimile thereof.

Today I retrn to work after myweek-long vacation. I'm not too happy about it. I'm enjoying one last smoke while I dry from my shower, then off to the salt mines. I'll have info and pics abot my little vacation later.

I'm starting to severly dislike my job and all. I've been doing it so long, and the longer I do it, the longer that it seems to take. No matter how long I attend classes, it seems I've been stuck at another two years, as at the end of every semester, I am pushed back another semester. I want this degree, but I am starting to wonder if grad school is really the right decision. I haver to think about it. At least I still have plenty of time to think about it. I really hope I start getting paid more soon tho. Here's hoping.

2005-08-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

The rat in the next cage over have been playing that retarded "no no no no, don't mess with my heart" whiny song for fucking hours now, since 9 this morning and now it's almost 1 in the afternoon and I swear that if he doesn't turn it off, I'm going to fucking tear his throat out.

2005-06-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm attempting to join the Mad Scientists Webring. Duno if it'll work, but here's hoping.

News for me! Now with the summer here, the hallways are cleared out and now we can get down to some real work. And no mere labgoat am I any longer, but indeed now have my very own slave to work under me. Good thing too- do you know how hard it is to clean glassware with these paws? Yeesh.

In other news, our new darkroom inches closer to completion. Since it has been decided that red fluorescent bulbs will be on the walls as well as the ceiling, I have officialy dubbed it Red Alert. Hey, rooms can have nicknames too, right? Well, the way I figure it, Red Alert is as good as any.

Mind you, consitering that the break room now has to be called the "Computer lab"...bah ::waves a paw::

2005-04-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

Why am I even here? It's like all of us used to run on a treadmill to keep this place powered, and gradually one by one all the others dropped off leaving only me- and I'm getting tired and pissed, because they weren't tired, just lazy. Grr

2004-12-10T08:58:00.000-08:00

Mwa ha ha ha ha. The cat is away, and we rats are playing. The chancellor is busy sleeping for twelve hours and may not even come in. Lil' Satan and I, however, had the nice opportunity this morning to be evil in proctoring for an exam. Mucho fun to be evil, but the kids weren't bad. Strange to be on this side of an exam for once tho.

2004-11-09T14:02:00.000-08:00

No, you don't understand, women have the lower body strength, men have the upper body strength. Ifonly we could make some kind of half-man, half-woman...

...oh wait...

2004-10-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

So there we are sitting in the cage and munching. We're talking about matzoh and bagels, and I comment about how it's all Jewish food. We make lots of Jewish jokes, and though it may be hard to circumcise a mouse, it can be done.

So Milla, a nice girl from the country, says "You know, it's funny- I nver really thought of bagels as being a jewish food."

"Really?" says I.

"Yea, I've always thought of them as being more Polish."

"Polish?!"

"Yea," she says "Well, there are Jews in Poland."

Immediately, David and myself chirp up at the same time, replying "Not anymore!"

Heh. No seriously, there are jews in Poland. Exactly 1,423 to be exact....22.....21.......20...

2004-09-15T08:06:00.002-07:00

Occasionally one wmust have an interruption for a break. The ocasional snatched piece of cheese, a quick mouse-nap, a time to reflect on why life is the way or where am I going or why are my claws stained green? Is it naughty? Perhaps. I don't think so.

Anyway, today I make a break for it-only for a day, mind you. But there are errands to run, creatures to see and greet. I'll be back tomorrow.

2004-08-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

Fellow rat: Duh. Binary fission. Me: In pliers? I have this unique ability to mess things up. Anyone can mess things up, but I am unique in doing so in such a strange way that nobody can figure out how in the hell it happened. Sigh. Ah well. At least I didn't inhale anymore Deuterated Chloroform.

2004-08-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

This mouse has been too busy resting on his laurels, eating cheese allt his weekend instead of nibbling on book-blue. Ah well. Shit. I'll have to be up all night now catching up. Cest la vie.

2004-07-30T06:34:00.000-07:00

I always thoguht of myself as one of the most awful excuses for an artist. And then to my surprise, I scribble out a diagram labelled of a vacuum pump, and everyone is really impressed by my abilities. What does this tell you? It tells yout hat people who get into science can't draw for shit- even by my standards.

Of course, scribbled in my lab notebook, I had labelled "Your Friend, the Vacuum" for one label, which caused much jolity amongst my fellow cheesies, as well as a very light talking down to from the boss, who is such a Cat, it's not even funny.

2004-07-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

I swear, my vaccuum pump will never be complete. There was the week of changing the oil. Then there was no real oil available. Then the pump was fine, but now the stuff I need for the setup for the traps and such are missing.

It makes a ratty wanna cry.

2004-07-17T05:18:00.000-07:00

So there I am, burning my paws on hot oil as I change the oil on two vaccuum pumps, and suddenly a thought occurred to me. I narrowsed my eyes, and perked up my ears and said in my best Doc Bones imitation "Dammnit Jim! I'm a chemist, not a mechanic!"

Sigh. My humor was, alas, not greastly appreciated. The amusing thing is that I've never changed the oil on ANYTHING before. But, I still had a better idea of what I was doing than anyone else. When I hear someone say "What's the purpose of the oil, anyway?", I push them aside and just take over and fix for them. That's why I did two. I was of course figuring it out as I went along, but it really wasn't all that difficult.

So, aside from some minor accidents, everything went peachy. Of course, then we discovered that we had enough cleaning fluid to drown an elephant, but only enough actual oil for one pump. Of course. Because god hates me.

2004-07-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

Mwa ha ha ha ha. Not only did I get my paws on a pair of sets of brass weights form a hundred years ago ro so, but a balance, a glass pestle, two glass mortars (I don't know which is which tho), and a centrifuge. I always wanted my own centrifuge.

2004-07-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

If you want something done right, don't do it yourself- get someone else to do it with the appropriate carrot in front of them. Thus yesterday I came in in the morning and met with David, a fellow cheese-eater. He says to me that we have been offered a paper if we do a good job with our work. Well. 14 hours, several thousand dollars worth of chemicals, two take-out dinners, 3 packages of ramen noodles, 4 chemical spills, 6 cups of coffee, one hyperdermic needle through a finger, and endlessly re-played versions of "Can't Touch This", "Africa" by Toto, "Holding out for a hero", "The Thong Song", and, of course, "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer later, we finish, happy and satisfied and head for home. When the results came in, I let out a rebel whoop the likes of which have not been heard for a hundred and fifty years.

What are we doing tonight Brain? The same thing we do every night, Pinky....

The theme song of the night became "Don't touch that" by MC Brok.

2004-07-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

This is the way it is. That is, this is the way it really is. I know what you imagine it is working where I do, but let me paint you a picture of me today. Here I am, hunched over a light bulb wrapped in a towel, whacking the thing with a hammer trying to bust it. Not doing so, trying. It's harder than you think if you want large pieces- the hammer kept bouncing off.

Now, why was I doing this? This was no ordinary light bulb, but a special red one. The red was dark enough that it oculd be used in a darkroom. Upon shattering, it turned out that the bulb was not colored that red, but had a thin plastic layer upon it (a gel) which gave it it's magical color. Anyway, that plastic had to be swept off to the spectrofluorometer to be analysed by fourier analysis to determine the exact wavelength that the color absorbed. This was done so that we would know what color gels we later wanted to order the next time we do.

All this ran through my head as my paws scrabbled with the hammer, brigning it down repeatedly on a lightbulb, thinking "This is the way it is. This is the way it really is."

2004-07-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Peanut butter will never mean the same.

"What do I remind you of?" (a beautiful, bikini-clad blonde)
"Skippy peanut butter."
"Skippy peanut butter?"
"Yea. So spreadable, it's incredible"

2004-06-17T04:36:00.000-07:00

A needle! In my back! That dumb, dopey bastard sutck a goddamned hyperdermic peedle into my back! I'm gonna murder him!

2004-06-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

Well, I was able to yesterday synthesize the materials myself. This is good. Unfortunetly,my results are differant fromthose that everyone else used. This is not necessarily so good as it is mysterious. Ah well.

If looks like the windfall cheese rations (or c-rats) I was to recieve will be fewer than I had anticipated.Still, as I had untillast week not been expecting any, this saddens me only slightly.Still, there should be enough to go to Disney World, home for rodents.

2004-06-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Ah, my scurrying little paws will be busy upon the morrow. Not as busy as some people's, adittedly, but busy enough. Blech.

Designed a new maze for the humans today. Silly little mammals, always running around, jumping up on chairs, shrieking, and so on. Ah, got to love such control over such dumb animals.

2004-06-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Ah, a beautiful picture of myself. Gorgeous, no?

2004-06-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

Someone is going to die... I had everything all set up. I took two hours longer than necessary just to ake sure that everything was pure and correct...and someone had contaminated one of the ingrediants. All those hours upon hours of careful effort. It was so close too. It could be seen from eye under regular and UV light as well as from the fluorescence that it would have worked fine otherwise, that I had done evreything perfectly. But nooooo, soeone had to contaminate one of the reagents and put it back. Bastards. Makes me want to gnaw someone's face off.

2004-06-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

Boy I tell you. If I have to go crawling through every single drawer in search of non-existent equipment one more damned time when thedrawers really, really need some lubricant, I'm going to throw a fit. Of course, fell and wrathful transylvanians who hear little but what goes on between their ears are little help in this endevour. Nor is attempting to clean a lab bench that has been the garbage bench since the 70's. How long would it take YOU to do a good job, I'd like to know?

I smell some cheese.

2004-06-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

My paws scrabble frantically on this damned keyboard. I hope this works.